I don’t have any profound words. Or really any words at all.
I don’t even really feel. The only thing I feel is like I’m
just functioning, and that’s not enough. I wasn’t created just to function.
That’s not You. And that’s not me.
For we are God’s
handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in
advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
I understand the apathy of this culture better today.
When everything and everyday can be so extreme, how can you
be expected to continue to feel everything?
Feeling hurts. Feeling is hard. Feeling is exhausting.
But I want to. And I have to believe that You do.
We started this year asking to go deeper. To dive below the
surface and find You.
God, show me Your glory. Show me Your power. Show me You.
Teach me how to do it like You. How to feel like You do. How
to love like You do.
This has been a week of extremes.
This week feels a lot like ashes, mourning, and despair.
Show me the beauty and gladness and praise in this week.
When we get asked to pray for a woman covered in sores from
head to toe on our way to church… I need to feel You.
When we hear stories about 8 year olds and 65 year olds
being raped in the community that I just walked through and rescued an 11 year
old from… I need to feel You.
When we drop that same 11 year old off at social services
with a social worker who doesn’t believe her or have any visible compassion for
her, to find the safest permanent home for her… I need to feel You.
When we walk through the children’s ward in a government
hospital and see burn victims, broken limbs, and writhing children… I need to
feel You.
When there’s blood dripping from the same bandage that was
placed on a tiny 3 year old burned arm 2 weeks ago, staying three cots down
from a little girl covered in entire head bandage from her own burns from
almost 4 months ago… I need to feel You.
When I don’t want to leave weeks like this with the people
that I love to go ‘home’ to my new apartment and fancy church in the land of
abundance… I need to feel You.
You come for moments and weeks like this.
You come to set us free.
You come to bind up the brokenhearted.
You come to restore and to redeem and to trade beauty for
ashes, gladness for mourning, and praise instead of despair.
Feeling-Sustainer, Life-Giver, Heart-Holder, Tear-Catcher… come.
