Beautiful Exchange

Christmastime. Malls are packed and the return and exchange lines will be zoos. I used to be a manager at a retail store and I hated returns and exchanges. First of all, it meant the company wasn't gaining any revenue and that was never really good as a manager. Secondly, people became dishonest... as if I really cared why they were returning the ugly sweaters and socks that Aunt Cathy bought for them. The stories were incredible.

God is in the exchange business... like a customer service rep at Christmas time... (um. only better) He is cheerful, willing, ready... (perfect.)

Beauty for ashes.
Dancing for mourning.

I can picture myself walking up to Him... waiting in line with my story. My explanation in my back pocket (along with the receipt of course) as to why I needed to exchange my 'thing.' He doesn't care. It's not about revenue. It's not about the reason. It's the act. It's the exchange act.

Adoption for orphans.
Life for death.

Beautiful Exchange
[Hillsong]

You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned, I was lost and insecure

Still mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let You in

Trading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption, You carried all the blame

Breaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our place

When only love could make a way
You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange

My burden erased
My life forgiven
There is nothing that could take this love away

My only desire
And sole ambition
Is to love You just the same

When only love could make a way
You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange

Holy are You, God
Holy is Your name
With everything I've got
My heart will sing how I love You

Jesus, I belong to You. I surrender the ugly sweaters and socks in my life that I never really wanted for the things that I really want... more of You. More of Your will in my life. More of Your understanding. More of Your direction. At Your the sound of Your voice, I will follow You. The great exchange Jesus. More of You for less of me.

Artober and Mod

Woke up this morning... needed to disappear.
Nothing personal people.

When I lived in Houston I would, every Saturday, go to a cafe, sit on the patio, drink some coffee or, dare I say, mimosa, and read. I loved my cafes. I loved my patios. I loved that time. I got to be real. I got to be alone (I didn't pay attention to the Westheimer crowd that had the same idea). I felt romantic. I felt inspired. I felt.

So this morning, I wanted to recreate those feelings. Needed some deep inspiration. Needed some regeneration.

So today I thought I would go to Galveston and connect on a deeper level... Let's be real... I needed some much needed Jesus time... some much needed refreshing time... some much needed inspiration time... and some much needed... um... disappearing time.

So here I am... on the corner of 22nd and Post Office... enjoying a freshly brewed iced coffee, on a glorious morning with an occasional breath of fresh wind, on a perfect patio table for 2... me and Jesus, that is.

And you'll NEVER believe what's going on around me...
give up yet?
Artober... Galveston's Fine Arts festival.

WHAT?!!

You see, art and I go way back. Years ago, it wouldn't have been abnormal to find me at the museum or in a gallery somewhere... definitely in my internet browser history you would find MoMA or something like it... ya. If you thought I was cool, you can stop now. I'm cool with it.

This feeds me. It feeds my soul. And this motivates me.
It teaches me how to be creative again... to just even be around creative people brings it out in me.

Thank You Jesus for knowing what I needed today... for always being here... and for continuing to surprise me at every corner.


And here's why I like a cafe like Mod so much. Community. 3 tables behind me to my left... a table of 5 men, probably in their 50s... probably here every Saturday. Talking about everything under the sun... solving the worlds problems. I'm sure of it. Right now they're talking about religion and politics. It's true... I didn't make that one up. I secretly want to go join their table. I'm watching Craig, who works here, water the flowers around me... and knowing every passer-by by name. Ken, the guy behind the counter, was so hopped up on caffeine already (by 8am) and wanted to tell me all about it. I told him to hook me up with the good stuff so I'd shake with him. (I think he did) And the dogs... so many dogs on this patio. Cheeto would love this place.

It feels good here. It feels like 'home' here. It's the Cheers of the morning. Everybody knows your name, and your drink, and your dog's name. And the art. Oh man... the art. I think my heaven will have an art festival in it... and iced coffee definitely.

What's your place? Where's the place that you go to disappear and regenerate?

Jesus, thank You for inspiration. Thank You for the feelings this morning. Thank You that I get to do this. Thank You for reminding me what it felt like... Thank You for the kiss on the the forehead this morning in the form of an art festival. Thank You for Mod and their ridiculously (and amazingly) strong coffee. Thank You for knowing me so perfectly to know that I needed this... and for knowing what it would do to me. Thanks for having coffee with me this morning... wasn't it good? And for everything... thank You for that. Thanks that I got to see the most beautiful mosaic inside this cafe and that I got to feel a deeper connection to my P through being here. You are so good to me and You take such good care of me... in ways that I don't even know I need.... You've got those too. Feeling grateful. Feeling refreshed. Feeling regenerated. Feeling closer to You. Thanks buddy.

A Trip To Remember

R.U.4 Children just returned from their FEED 5000 campaign in Guatemala. On this particular feeding trip, we fed and ministered the gospel and distributed 220,000 meals. We were working in the Pacific-coastal region of Esquintla, Guatemala in the city of Puerto San Jose; which was devastated by high rising flash floods.



Our team and partner church, Casa de Dios, went into the flood zone on Wednesday, September 29th to distribute tickets. Tickets were given to local families in need. Each family had to present that ticket on the day of the feeding to receive the 40 lb bag of food. On the day of the ticket distribution the water was standing 3 - 4 ft and we were still able to drive through the flooded area. The flooding was supposed to subside, but instead the water took a turn for the worse.



Wednesday afternoon our team went to our beach-side house, which was on high ground and has never experienced flooding in over 100 years. One hour into our stay at the house, the weather began to worsen. No forecast could have predicted how bad our night would be. By 10:00 pm, just 6 hours after our arrival to our safe-house, the water had risen 8 - 10 feet and and had surrounded the house, trapping us in. The out-lying roads were too bad for us to make it back to town, so we waited. By 1:00 am on Thursday morning the water was beginning to seep into the house. Needless to say the entire team spent the night on the 2nd floor. The next morning the water had risen an additional 3 ft and was on our door step and by 5 am the waters overtook the house. The bottom floor of the home filled up with over 20 inches of water in 45 minutes. At this moment, our team fervently began to pray and intercede that the waters would stop. By the time the water stopped rising, it had risen 17-20 ft from the previous afternoon. Even if we wanted to leave, the standing water in the street directly in front of our house was between 7-10 feet deep. By noon on Thursday the 30th, we were rescued by boat. We traveled down a river channel that was so high, we were traveling above the power lines. Just when we thought we were on a perfect getaway to safety, the current carried our boat into a tree. After the crash, we made our way to high enough ground that we could walk. Our team set out on foot to dry ground. We walked 1.5 miles through chest high water until we were met by rescue trucks. God had his hand on us throughout the entire crisis, proving Himself to our team once again!



Thursday evening we were taken back to safety in Guatemala City. Even though we were now safe, our hearts were broken for the families left in the flood waters. We learned many of the homes in the outlying villages were completely washed away. Some villages were under 17 - 20 feet of water and sadly, there were elderly and small children who were lost in the flash floods during the night. I'll never forget what I heard that night. By Friday morning, the waters had receded enough for us to go back into the flood zone to deliver food. We drove our trucks as far into the flooded waters as we could. The remaining people were so grateful. We had a special bond with the local people, because they knew we had suffered through the night alongside of them.

liar liar pants on... the ground?

for my African friends who missed American Idol and the song of the year:



yep. that just happened. and now this is normally where i have some eloquent transition and segue into the point... not today. im jumpin right in. it'll come later.

satan is a liar. his lies are so stupid too... and make us look stupid if we believe them. so why do we (ok, i) believe them? ugh. i think once you realize how deceived you've been, its like you're caught with your pants around your ankles. (ok, there was the segue from the song...) for me, when i realize how i've given into the lies of the enemy, im left feeling naked and ashamed... lookin like a fool with my pants on the ground.

thank you Jimmy Needham for putting music to what i'm feeling...

To the slaughters you are being led
Being told that it's a party
That this God is in your head
And every single lie
Sounds just like the greatest truth
But the one truth you're not hearing
Is that he died for you

ok. i'm needing the truth of God to drown out the lies of the enemy. the lies that say im not good enough, im not pretty enough, im not worth it... im not, well, enough.

heres the truth... the Gospel of Jesus... mmhmmm...

Romans 8:1-3 (The Message)

With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.

lies are easier to believe than the truth. why?

Thank You God for going straight for the jugular on my behalf. Lift the low-lying black cloud of lies that creep... Thanks for Jesus.

to tell you the truth...

Most of us have the tendency to avoid truth telling in our relationships and if you want to do that - you can, have at it. But don’t complain about your relationships being superficial because that’s exactly what they’ll be without truth. And don't try to have one of those with me. I like it messy. I like it raw. And I want to KNOW the people in my life. Who has time for superficial relationships anyway? Whats the point of that? It's like going to Starbucks to order a decaf...

Community without truth is artificial harmony.

In fact if you’ve surrounded yourself with community that won’t speak truth to you then you don’t really have community as much as you have a gathering of convenient relationships.

Eww. Gross.

I searched for the word "community" in twitter and the results were astounding... about 10 new posts every 30 seconds... and counting. Then I switched to "authentic community" and the posts were far less popular. And literally all of the "authentic community" tweeps were self-proclaimed Christians. The ones talking about just plain ol' community - well, too many to count.

Sad.

Just one word away, yet a world apart. i think im on to something here...

The world needs to know what it means to be authentic and it has to be through Jesus. And it has to start with His followers. let do this thing and do it well...

Community without authenticity? No thank you.
Convenient relationships? No thanks.
No mess = No fun.
I would rather have a community of truth tellers and authentic lovers and live a vulnerable life with them, then a multitude of relationships that the only leg they have to stand on is an artificial substance... where you must live a shut out life and keep heart-boundaries. i hate heart-boundaries.

Time's a-wastin people - let's get dirty.

i want to be scandalous...

A scandal is blasphemous
...not popular
A scandal is disruptive
...not organized
A scandal is made up of misfits, nobodies, lunatics and crazies
...not made up of professionals and the dignified
A scandal is something you worry about being connected to
...not something that people want to be associated with
A scandal has a table at Starbucks
...not a corporate suite
A scandal is wild and messy
...not strategic principles
A scandal is backwards
...not always making sense

Lord, help me become scandalous for Your Kingdom... to love without boundaries, to give without worry, to live like nothing is ever going to fail.

coffee, community, Christ

i was in africa last week. i was in london last week. i was in houston yesterday. i am in ft. worth today.

what?! thats so stinkin weird... culture shock? yes. but God is teaching me about the Kingdom of God today. Kacy, you said i would now have to LIVE in the Kingdom of God, because no other place would feel like home... you are so right. eish.

God, Your Kingdom stretches over the earth, and beyond, and I am so amazed by You.

Just had a senior staff prayer time with New River and it was incredible. We sang, we worshiped, we communed with each other and with God... it was beautiful. We just split up to go spend some alone time to hear from Him - for me it's to get inspired, to be still... to shut out the world and listen...

I play a game with God called "shuffle" in which i put my ipod on shuffle and let Him speak to me. He always wins. so just now, as i sit on the back porch of crenshaw's house, sipping on my coffee, having some Jesus time, He just started playing God of This City... sigh. This is one of my africa songs... You are so cool God.

There is no one like our God...

i was speaking to the staff here and the phrase "chaotic movement of God" kept pouring out of my mouth... it's what i saw in africa, and its what i still see here. they shared about just this week they got to lead a church member in their life group to the Lord. how beautiful. we assume that people in life groups are already 'believers' but don't be confused... you can believe in God, you can believe in the power of community, and not follow Jesus. big difference.

Greater things are still to be done in this city...

And all the cities around me... i think about my people in africa. my africa. God is so evident there in you. i experienced a different Jesus through you. Thank you. I think about my people in Houston... i see Jesus in you regularly. I think about my people in Weatherford/Ft. Worth/Dallas... i see Jesus in you today and every time i'm here. God is a God over a Kingdom and all the earth is His. I am so honored to be able to travel and experience Him in different people, different cities, different ways. I have the coolest job EVER.


I lift my eyes to You Lord - where my help comes from... in Your strength I will continue to press in and press through... breakthrough Lord... through every storm and every doubt and every fear... I pray for breakthrough...

Thank You God for Your chaotic movement. Please don't let me stop seeing it. There's just something about You Jesus that I can't quit...

more to come...

bedtime stories, cartwheels, and

Lord, I asked You to consume me from the inside out. And You did.
Lord, I asked You to break my heart for the things that break Yours. And You did.

It's not that I'm surprised by Your faithfulness... faithfulness is what You do.
I guess I'm surprised by how deep You penetrated my soul. I'm surprised by the depths of that thing called a heart that You gave me, and I'm surprised that I am so speechless...

sigh.

It has become evident in the last couple weeks, that when a Christ-follower meets with injustice, it is impossible to cling to individual or personal rights and can no longer defend them. They are absolutely free from possessions and bound to Christ alone...

deep, huh? translation: My life got ruined in Africa.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
The "poor" I think Jesus is referring to have no security, no possessions to call their own, not even a foot of earth to call their home, no earthly society to claim their absolute allegiance... these "poor" are His disciples. The ones that truly take that "take up your cross" thing literally... They are poor for HIS sake.

In following Him, they have lost their own selves, and everything that could make them rich... Now they are poor... and in that VERY poverty, they are heirs to the kingdom. They have their treasure in secret - they find it on the cross.

I have seen the poor... and I think my idea of poor got so ruined too. Was it me that had a poor man's mentality? Was it me that didn't cling to the cross the way I should have been? I have witnessed poverty in a whole new way. And at the very same time, I have seen such wealth in the eyes of the people I met. How can I turn back now? I have seen Jesus face to face... in the form of African AIDS orphans, missionaries that know how to love, in a young woman who I admire who became my person, and in poverty stricken communities that need a breakthrough.
Lord, let Your Kingdom come and Your will be done.

There is so much to talk about. I could speak about how I have seen and experience so much love from complete strangers. I could talk about what true wealth is. I could talk about adoption. There is so much. I could talk about what it means to me to never stop loving. To never stop believing for a miracle. To never stop trusting in the Lord. To hang on to hope… The kind that is unshakable. To trust Him in everything…

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus…

God expanded me this month. He grew me and stretched me and molded me to be like Him. Some things are irreversible, and some things ought not be reversed even if you try.

I have learned so much:
- He who says he loves God and doesn't help his 'brother' is a liar.
- You can love someone deeply, and quickly, if you let yourself get vulnerable enough.

mice in our couches

taken from stuff christians like... so good and so true.


“We found a family of mice that nested inside the cushions of your couch, so we need to throw it away.”

That was what a woman on a recent television show said to a homeowner. This is the moment where the homeowner says, “Wow, I had no idea. Gross, a whole family? Ugh, let’s throw that out.” But because the show I was watching is called “Hoarders,” that wasn’t the response she gave. Instead, the old woman whose home was on the borders of being condemned said simply,

“No, we’re keeping it.”

That’s a sentence you hear a lot on that show, a program that is almost as difficult to watch as “Intervention.” The thesis of Hoarders is pretty simple, therapists and home cleaning experts help a family try to dig out of an addiction. Typically there are mountains of trash throughout the house with small pathways worn into the garbage that serve as walkways from room to room.

A lot of the time, the crew has been sent to the house because something traumatic has happened to the hoarder. Often, as I mentioned, the state has removed children from the home, the waste high trash and bugs and mold far too dangerous for tottering toddlers. And it’s a sad show, because often, the people lose their kids in order to maintain their hoarding lifestyle. The trash is more important. The numbness that hoarding offers is too enticing and you watch in shock as everything in life is given up so that a homeowner can crawl back inside a warm rubbish cocoon.

It’s easy to judge people like this. Their pain is so plain and visible. Once you’re inside the front door, there’s no pretending that something in life is significantly broken. Mountains of trash are easy to point the finger at. A hoarder can’t hide.

But watching it the other day, I thought about the danger of the hoarders you can’t see. The people who surround us every day that hoard things a lot more subtle than phone books they can’t part with or clothing they’ve never even taken out of the shopping bags or food that has long gone bad. I thought about the people who hoard things like hurt and shame and guilt.

You can’t see those people nearly as easily. Unlike the cat woman who had dozens of decomposing dead cats within her house, they never smell so strongly that neighbors alert the authorities. But the truth is, lots of us hoard just as badly as the people on that show.

I think part of the reason is that if you get hurt enough, you start to think you deserve it. Like an itchy wool sweater that doesn’t really fit right, you keep putting on hurt. You keep collecting it. Dating guys that are going to treat you like trash. Surrounding yourself with people who want to use you, running from friendships and opportunities that feel good.

I used to do this a lot. Like a hoarder who is used to bad moments, the good ones didn’t feel right. I know that sounds dumb, but it’s true. I kept drilling holes in the ship of my life whenever things started to go well. Counselors talk about that a lot. They say the two most popular times for people to hurt themselves is when they feel really low or feel really good. Good doesn’t feel right, you don’t feel like you’re good enough for good. And so you wreck things all over again. You sink the ship, you hoard.

Maybe that doesn’t sound familiar at all. Maybe you hoard hurt and shame because at least you can feel those things. Like a cutter who wants to make sure he can still feel something, you hold onto hurt because it breaks through the numbness of your day. Even though it’s pain, at least it’s a feeling. Or maybe you’ve never hoarded a negative emotion in your life and this all sounds weird.

I’m not sure where you’re at, but I know where God is. In Psalm 103, it’s laid out clearly, when it says, Praise the Lord:

“who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,”

There is not an insignificant word in that verse. From forgives to heals to my favorite word, “all,” that is a birthday card written to you. That is a love letter written to the hoarders who are having such a hard time letting go. You don’t have to heal your diseases. You don’t have to hold on to your hurt.

The “God of all” is here. The God of forgiveness is near. The God of heal is waiting.

We all get mice in our couches and trash in our hearts, but that’s OK.

You’ve got a God bigger than that. The God of all.

And that’s all I need to know.

why i'm carly beee

Bumble Bees are not suppose to fly. In fact according to physics, science, and the laws of aerodynamics, it is impossible for them to become airborne.

Aerodynamic engineers have studied the yellow and black insect and have concluded that “theoretically” flight is impossible.

The bee’s puny little wings and its big fat body can only mean one thing…forever grounded.

Yet the bumble bee has overcome the “bad news” about its fate and has learned the art of flying!

So when the critic, naysayer, pessimist or your jerky friend points out why you can’t do something…BE THE BEE!