if equal affection cannot be,
let the more loving one be me.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
grace
Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace that can pardon and cleanse within...
Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin...
we are willing to talk about it, not really willing to understand it. we can throw it around, but frankly i think the idea of grace scares a lot of us. there are those who find it easy to extend... those who find it easy to receive... and those who don't really do either one too well.
grace is funny, because its completely not deserved. in a world where we work to get everything that we need - this is the one that is most essential and we can do nothing to attain it on our own. does that bring comfort or fear to you?
i want so badly to be someone that inspires and encourages and extends grace.
John Piper describes those who deal in the currency of grace: “They have their heat sensors adjusted and alert for embers of grace that they can fan; while the other kind of people, it seems, have their buckets of criticism ready to pour on the ashes of imperfection.”
grace transforms.
Bono put it like this, "Grace makes beauty out of ugly things."
i love reality shows. (dont judge me). they're like a train wreck and i can't stop watching them... i love the trashy Bravo shows like Project Runway and Real Housewives of New York... i have no shame. But then there are the shows like What Not to Wear and Extreme Makeover Home Edition... i can't actually watch those without crying, so i choose not to. Well, i don't really cry for What Not to Wear unless it was REALLY good. But there's something about a transformation of a house (or um, wardrobe...) of someone who didnt earn it by anything they did that makes you feel so good... so emotional... so... ya know...
so heres my point. how much more is a life than a house or a little black dress?! Imagine the tears that God - the Transformer - cries when He sees the transformed life... gut wrenching.
:::sigh:::
grace. undeserved.
Grace that can pardon and cleanse within...
Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin...
we are willing to talk about it, not really willing to understand it. we can throw it around, but frankly i think the idea of grace scares a lot of us. there are those who find it easy to extend... those who find it easy to receive... and those who don't really do either one too well.
grace is funny, because its completely not deserved. in a world where we work to get everything that we need - this is the one that is most essential and we can do nothing to attain it on our own. does that bring comfort or fear to you?
i want so badly to be someone that inspires and encourages and extends grace.
John Piper describes those who deal in the currency of grace: “They have their heat sensors adjusted and alert for embers of grace that they can fan; while the other kind of people, it seems, have their buckets of criticism ready to pour on the ashes of imperfection.”
grace transforms.
Bono put it like this, "Grace makes beauty out of ugly things."
i love reality shows. (dont judge me). they're like a train wreck and i can't stop watching them... i love the trashy Bravo shows like Project Runway and Real Housewives of New York... i have no shame. But then there are the shows like What Not to Wear and Extreme Makeover Home Edition... i can't actually watch those without crying, so i choose not to. Well, i don't really cry for What Not to Wear unless it was REALLY good. But there's something about a transformation of a house (or um, wardrobe...) of someone who didnt earn it by anything they did that makes you feel so good... so emotional... so... ya know...
so heres my point. how much more is a life than a house or a little black dress?! Imagine the tears that God - the Transformer - cries when He sees the transformed life... gut wrenching.
:::sigh:::
grace. undeserved.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
broken things
You can have my heart but it isn't new
It's been used and broken and only comes in blue
It's been down a long road and it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean wash the pain away
You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
I heard that you make all things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it, you can have my heart
So beyond repair, nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself but it was only worse when i got through
But then you walked right into my darkness and you speak words so sweet
You hold me like a child til my frozen tears fall at your feet
You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
I heard that you make all things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it, you can have my heart
It's been used and broken and only comes in blue
It's been down a long road and it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean wash the pain away
You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
I heard that you make all things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it, you can have my heart
So beyond repair, nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself but it was only worse when i got through
But then you walked right into my darkness and you speak words so sweet
You hold me like a child til my frozen tears fall at your feet
You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
I heard that you make all things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it, you can have my heart
Thursday, October 16, 2008
the performance trap
if only we could be 'better' right? oh i want so badly to be and produce excellence... my desire? i want to be memorable!
i dont know about you, but i get a false sense of security when i perform well... but also a sense of condemnation and guilt when i dont perform well.
what does the Scripture say?
all have sinned and fallen short. fallen short of what? the target... the glory of God...
the thing about the glory of God is that it makes us so alive - it gives us hope, peace, joy, makes us like Jesus... it's our target - it's our aim... if sinning is to "miss the mark" - the mark is the glory!!
no matter how hard i try, im gonna fall short. period. when my spiritual enemy tells me that im not good enough, he deceives me... with truth actually. Thats the WORST! he takes truth to use it in a way of condemnation. the truth is, im NOT good enough... nobody is... oh but thats when my Hero enters the scene. JESUS - THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME DESPITE ME!
the apostle Paul probably lived under this performance trap, too. he give his credentials in Philippians... chapter 3 if read it if youd like to read it...
It would be like saying that I was the valedictorian of Harvard (hey Nick!), CEO of a Fortune 500 company (Hey Natasha!), and can trace my bloodline back to Abraham Lincoln. Oh and Mother Teresa is my aunt. If anybody had any reason to brag about where they’ve come from, and how successful they are, Paul could totally do it. But now we see Paul saying that not that those things are bad, but in retrospect, in comparison to knowing Christ, it’s garbage.
One of the very best indicators of the reality and depth and vitality of your relationship with Christ is the issue of what we are content with and what we are discontent with in our lives. Anything that totally consumes you apart from Christ is bondage. If you have something in your life that takes all your time, energy, effort, vision, and mental thought it is not of Christ. You are not FREE to serve, love, be loved or achieve the things Christ has predestined for you with this hindrance in your way. Some find themselves needing to lay down their physical appearance at His altar. They put all of their confidence and self worth in their clothes, body, hair and face. They are constantly trying to perfect it by starving, working out, shopping, etc.
What's my thing that consumes my thoughts? Lately, it's being happy. Rather, not being depressed. Can you believe that I have put that in front of the Lord? It's like focusing on getting my car fixed - but not ever going to the mechanic... or stressing out about eating and never hitting up HEB (Hey Marty!)
Is this pride? Is this my idea that I can fix me with out my Fixer? Without my Author and Perfecter of Life? After all, He wrote my stinkin story!
One of favorites is the Message version of Matthew 11:28... can i share?
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
:::sigh:::
You see, Paul had not always cherished the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ. He was not always motivated by holy discontentment to pursue more and more of Christ. Before his conversion, Saul of Tarsus was anything but discontent about his relationship to God. He was supremely confident in his flesh, bragging about his godly heritage and personal accomplishments - while M I S S I N G it. But then a radical change occurred in his life. The Spirit of God invaded Paul's heart in irresistible grace and humbled his pride. The Holy Spirit opened Paul's eyes to see that all these natural and personal advantages that he put so much confidence in were in reality not assets at all but liabilities because they kept him form knowing Christ.
**God of the humble... I pray right now for our church and church leaders... One of the things that King Nebuchadnezzar and Lucifer had in common was pride - and it was the very thing that got them overthrown from their high position... and it wasn't a graceful and private fall either. I don't want that for anybody I know (or don't know for that matter. I love people so much - and You've given me that passion for your people!) Save us... save them. Forgive us for being so blind to our own actions... all of us. God I'm not praying for 'them' I'm praying for 'us'. You are the only truth and the way... don't let those words become 'cliche' or 'religious' - let them be like daggers.**
Paul came to see that only by counting that other "gain" as loss, as refuse could he ever get what is really the greatest gain. The Spirit of God enabled Paul to see Christ as he really is - the pearl of great price, the treasure buried in the field that is so valuable that it is a joyful thing to sell everything you have to obtain it. (Read it...Matthew. 13:44-45) If you cling to the "gain" of the flesh or of possessions or of pride, you will never have the true gain, the only gain in all the world that is ultimately worth having, the only gain that will satisfy you for all eternity - the gain of knowing Christ Jesus as your Lord. And taking it seriously.
**I have a friend that it hurting Lord. Hurting real bad. Doesn't think happiness will ever be theirs. I can relate. I pray that You flood their body today such peace... and joy... and wisdom regarding certain situations. God I pray for anniversaries. Anniversaries that remind us of good things, and of bad things... God that You would distract us with You when we need You the most... and when we don't know that it is You that we need - I pray You move in our lives even more. I come against the spirit of depression and the spirit of anxiety... God that's not how You intended for Your people to live. You want us happy. I believe that. last night I can sing "I know who I am... I am Yours... You're my identity" - I can sing "I believe You're my Healer... Nothing is impossible for You... I trust in You" - I mean, I can have it stinkin tattooed on my arm... L E T I T B E.**
i dont know about you, but i get a false sense of security when i perform well... but also a sense of condemnation and guilt when i dont perform well.
what does the Scripture say?
all have sinned and fallen short. fallen short of what? the target... the glory of God...
the thing about the glory of God is that it makes us so alive - it gives us hope, peace, joy, makes us like Jesus... it's our target - it's our aim... if sinning is to "miss the mark" - the mark is the glory!!
no matter how hard i try, im gonna fall short. period. when my spiritual enemy tells me that im not good enough, he deceives me... with truth actually. Thats the WORST! he takes truth to use it in a way of condemnation. the truth is, im NOT good enough... nobody is... oh but thats when my Hero enters the scene. JESUS - THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME DESPITE ME!
the apostle Paul probably lived under this performance trap, too. he give his credentials in Philippians... chapter 3 if read it if youd like to read it...
It would be like saying that I was the valedictorian of Harvard (hey Nick!), CEO of a Fortune 500 company (Hey Natasha!), and can trace my bloodline back to Abraham Lincoln. Oh and Mother Teresa is my aunt. If anybody had any reason to brag about where they’ve come from, and how successful they are, Paul could totally do it. But now we see Paul saying that not that those things are bad, but in retrospect, in comparison to knowing Christ, it’s garbage.
One of the very best indicators of the reality and depth and vitality of your relationship with Christ is the issue of what we are content with and what we are discontent with in our lives. Anything that totally consumes you apart from Christ is bondage. If you have something in your life that takes all your time, energy, effort, vision, and mental thought it is not of Christ. You are not FREE to serve, love, be loved or achieve the things Christ has predestined for you with this hindrance in your way. Some find themselves needing to lay down their physical appearance at His altar. They put all of their confidence and self worth in their clothes, body, hair and face. They are constantly trying to perfect it by starving, working out, shopping, etc.
What's my thing that consumes my thoughts? Lately, it's being happy. Rather, not being depressed. Can you believe that I have put that in front of the Lord? It's like focusing on getting my car fixed - but not ever going to the mechanic... or stressing out about eating and never hitting up HEB (Hey Marty!)
Is this pride? Is this my idea that I can fix me with out my Fixer? Without my Author and Perfecter of Life? After all, He wrote my stinkin story!
One of favorites is the Message version of Matthew 11:28... can i share?
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
:::sigh:::
You see, Paul had not always cherished the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ. He was not always motivated by holy discontentment to pursue more and more of Christ. Before his conversion, Saul of Tarsus was anything but discontent about his relationship to God. He was supremely confident in his flesh, bragging about his godly heritage and personal accomplishments - while M I S S I N G it. But then a radical change occurred in his life. The Spirit of God invaded Paul's heart in irresistible grace and humbled his pride. The Holy Spirit opened Paul's eyes to see that all these natural and personal advantages that he put so much confidence in were in reality not assets at all but liabilities because they kept him form knowing Christ.
**God of the humble... I pray right now for our church and church leaders... One of the things that King Nebuchadnezzar and Lucifer had in common was pride - and it was the very thing that got them overthrown from their high position... and it wasn't a graceful and private fall either. I don't want that for anybody I know (or don't know for that matter. I love people so much - and You've given me that passion for your people!) Save us... save them. Forgive us for being so blind to our own actions... all of us. God I'm not praying for 'them' I'm praying for 'us'. You are the only truth and the way... don't let those words become 'cliche' or 'religious' - let them be like daggers.**
Paul came to see that only by counting that other "gain" as loss, as refuse could he ever get what is really the greatest gain. The Spirit of God enabled Paul to see Christ as he really is - the pearl of great price, the treasure buried in the field that is so valuable that it is a joyful thing to sell everything you have to obtain it. (Read it...Matthew. 13:44-45) If you cling to the "gain" of the flesh or of possessions or of pride, you will never have the true gain, the only gain in all the world that is ultimately worth having, the only gain that will satisfy you for all eternity - the gain of knowing Christ Jesus as your Lord. And taking it seriously.
**I have a friend that it hurting Lord. Hurting real bad. Doesn't think happiness will ever be theirs. I can relate. I pray that You flood their body today such peace... and joy... and wisdom regarding certain situations. God I pray for anniversaries. Anniversaries that remind us of good things, and of bad things... God that You would distract us with You when we need You the most... and when we don't know that it is You that we need - I pray You move in our lives even more. I come against the spirit of depression and the spirit of anxiety... God that's not how You intended for Your people to live. You want us happy. I believe that. last night I can sing "I know who I am... I am Yours... You're my identity" - I can sing "I believe You're my Healer... Nothing is impossible for You... I trust in You" - I mean, I can have it stinkin tattooed on my arm... L E T I T B E.**
Monday, October 13, 2008
work: meet motivation
everything in this life is temporary.
does any of this really matter? i believe that i will not be energized unless i can see myself on the other side of this... when i feel like everything im doing has little to no effect on the world around me, i will not have the energy to even make it through the day. but if i were to realize that what i fill my day with - the relationships i will encounter - the work that i do - when that matters... i believe there will be an energizing spirit that will overwhelm me... no more fatigue. significance is the key to energy.
you find energy and strength and motivation and inspiration when you connect meaning to your work - if you cannot answer the question what is the meaning of my work, you will not have the energy to go to work and do it well.
am i really changing anything? have i found the significance of my actions and activities?
if you dont have a "why" in your life - you will constantly be tired - lacking energy.
there is nothing that will energize you more than to have and experience passion and vision and hope - and to know what your life is about... dont lose your intention... your purpose...your calling.
i dont want to move to burnout - and then to collapse...
one day this will just be a memory.
does any of this really matter? i believe that i will not be energized unless i can see myself on the other side of this... when i feel like everything im doing has little to no effect on the world around me, i will not have the energy to even make it through the day. but if i were to realize that what i fill my day with - the relationships i will encounter - the work that i do - when that matters... i believe there will be an energizing spirit that will overwhelm me... no more fatigue. significance is the key to energy.
you find energy and strength and motivation and inspiration when you connect meaning to your work - if you cannot answer the question what is the meaning of my work, you will not have the energy to go to work and do it well.
am i really changing anything? have i found the significance of my actions and activities?
if you dont have a "why" in your life - you will constantly be tired - lacking energy.
there is nothing that will energize you more than to have and experience passion and vision and hope - and to know what your life is about... dont lose your intention... your purpose...your calling.
i dont want to move to burnout - and then to collapse...
one day this will just be a memory.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
the word of the day
is totally perseverance. everybody ive talked to today - including myself - is needing a supernatural strength... patience... perseverance... something! the enemy is attacking and oh it would be so easy to give up and run away.
aint gonna happen.
yesterday, what started out as a defeat, ended up in victory. i havent forgotten about that. Thank You.
I don't remember everything that happened yesterday in my TPM session, or what was said, but one of the things i DO remember is that it was a victory. God promised me rest - and He gave it to me. i got 5 hours. R O C K O N.
but then life happens
and rain (with car doors not secured tightly so it leaks in) happens
and work happens
and fasting happens
and rabbits happen
and dirty looks happen
and having to clock in happens
and not doing beth moore homework happens
and inconsiderate bosses happen
and the world happens...
im so sick of the enemy trying to make things happen
I can remember during my prayer time yesterday saying that I havent come this far to not choose well.
so here we go: i choose to rejoice.
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
the Message puts it like this...
We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
passionate patience... never feeling shortchanged... can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit...mmmmm... i could read and reread that line all day long. maybe i will.
God I need You today. My friends need you today.
I pray against any headaches and feelings of being light headed. Give some of Your strength like never before to persist and persevere... this is for You. I pray for joy - for laughter - for peace. Peace for friends that are with family that havent always been healthy... for it to be refreshing and not stressful. I pray against the warfare taking place and for a quick selling for a specific house and for a husband's health on his birthday. I pray for discernment for all of us - God, to be able to see You and experience the things of You in everything that we look at, touch, listen to, or speak... I pray for focus. Incredible focus. It's embarrassing Lord... At least let me focus on You if nothing else, ok?
Lastly, I beg You to breathe peace... breathe Your peace on us so that we might breathe YOU deep.
God You are our victory and You are here.
aint gonna happen.
yesterday, what started out as a defeat, ended up in victory. i havent forgotten about that. Thank You.
I don't remember everything that happened yesterday in my TPM session, or what was said, but one of the things i DO remember is that it was a victory. God promised me rest - and He gave it to me. i got 5 hours. R O C K O N.
but then life happens
and rain (with car doors not secured tightly so it leaks in) happens
and work happens
and fasting happens
and rabbits happen
and dirty looks happen
and having to clock in happens
and not doing beth moore homework happens
and inconsiderate bosses happen
and the world happens...
im so sick of the enemy trying to make things happen
I can remember during my prayer time yesterday saying that I havent come this far to not choose well.
so here we go: i choose to rejoice.
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
the Message puts it like this...
We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
passionate patience... never feeling shortchanged... can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit...mmmmm... i could read and reread that line all day long. maybe i will.
God I need You today. My friends need you today.
I pray against any headaches and feelings of being light headed. Give some of Your strength like never before to persist and persevere... this is for You. I pray for joy - for laughter - for peace. Peace for friends that are with family that havent always been healthy... for it to be refreshing and not stressful. I pray against the warfare taking place and for a quick selling for a specific house and for a husband's health on his birthday. I pray for discernment for all of us - God, to be able to see You and experience the things of You in everything that we look at, touch, listen to, or speak... I pray for focus. Incredible focus. It's embarrassing Lord... At least let me focus on You if nothing else, ok?
Lastly, I beg You to breathe peace... breathe Your peace on us so that we might breathe YOU deep.
God You are our victory and You are here.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
psalm 51
1-3 (the Message)
Generous in love--God, give grace!
Huge in mercy--wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down.
7-15
Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise
this is where i am today.
Generous in love--God, give grace!
Huge in mercy--wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down.
7-15
Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise
this is where i am today.
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