i find myself today very contemplative. very artistic. very romantic. maybe i should remind my brain that i'm only 23 - but i cant help it. im just wired this way - im created for something bigger... something deeper... regardless - i need to journal.
last night i got a text message asking to pray for one of my spiritual mentors... let me pause for a second: this is a position that i hold in very high regard - but also i found myself very inadequate to take on such a task. i was with another mentor of mine - who also got the same text... that was sent from yet another spiritual mentor... i felt conflicted. if you knew these women of God, you would not put me in this category unless you were also mentioned in the same sentence "outreach project."
whatever the reason, i was honored.
before i responded, i had a mental conversation with God. "Lord - huh?! Me? wrong number, Bro..." (ya, sometimes I refer to God as Bro... at least i capitalize the B...)
Long story short, I prayed my guts out for this woman's dad. He had chest pains and an aneurism in an artery going to his heart (i think...). When it comes to medical knowledge - i am fairly ignorant. I know that i have high blood pressure, a speedy pulse and i know when i dont feel great... thats about it. I do know that I'm sick of even hearing the word aneurism much like i am the word cancer... this is the 2nd person i know that has had one in the past month. i get pretty protective over people i care about, and the people that they care about. maybe that feeling is from my past because i never want to have anybody in my life feel like somebody doesnt want the very best for them. i believe that i know how it feels to be alone and to not have anybody fight for you.
i want to never be guilty of that.
i will do all that i can in my power to protect them and love them... and when i cant... i will pray.
so, i prayed for him. last night i believed i pleaded for his life. i felt like this was not how he was going to 'go' and i wasn't about to let my friend/mentor go through this type of thing.
sometimes as Christians i feel like we don't realize what we do when we pray - i am guilty of this. i have very few people in my life who approach the throne of the Almighty with courage and the authority that they ought. i can tell you that last night it was my heart - not necessarily my voice - that was crying out. God honored that. there was no sign of any aneurism in his test results this morning. Hallelujah.
as i was sitting outside on the patio earlier this evening, i was reminded of the power of the 'moment.' heres what God spoke to me today in the voice of a malbec and beautiful weather...i wonder if this is how Socrates and Plato had things revealed to them..? haha... who am i kidding...
The most important moments in life rarely come at a convenient time. Moments are the intersections between the past and the future. and just in case you were wondering, that time is now.
but heres the catch... moments cannot be retrieved. they can be remembered, celebrated, or regretted... but never relived.
The most spiritual act that you or i will engage in today - is the power to choose what you will do with your given moment.
One truth is certain - for those of us who refer to themselves as Christians, and those who are unChristian: time will not slow down and we will never be able to redo yesterday, yester-hour, or even yester-moment... there is no rewind button.
we need to ask ourselves - and not just ask, but really examine, what we are doing (or for that matter, not doing) with our lives now that could lead to deep regret. once a move is made - there is no going back...
i have experienced a healing from the Lord that most people - whatever their age - have never experienced.
He healed me.
there is no attitude of feeling entitled to even another breath... there can only be an attitude of severe gratefulness.
can i beg something of you?
please dont wait for the crisis.
if we wait around long enough, the crisis will come.
the crisis will always come.
but its better not to wait. take action.
do something.
do something even if you're not sure what it is youre doing, because even the act of taking action helps prevent sinking into helplessness.
heres what i resolve to do... i dont really care how cliche it sounds:
to love deeper
to laugh more
to give more generously
to live bolder
to never give up my spirit
to never yield emotionally
because heres the deal... when you resolve in your heart to honor God, He becomes involved in your life in ways you cannot foresee.
when we offer ourselves as instruments for God to use us - we create opportunities for other people to experience God through us.
how else would you rather spend your moment?
2 comments:
You are an old soul, my 23 year old friend. I love it that you are blogging and that I get to have a window into your heart. Mentor, schmentor...I only hope you don't see so many flaws in me that you walk away disappointed and disillusioned. I am honored to be your older, sometimes more experienced friend. Wasn't it wonderful to have our prayers answered when the doctor's report came back today? Our God is still on the throne and loves to answer our prayers.You are an answer to my prayers to be used here on earth to give Him glory, to show others His Love for them as He has shown me. He has indeed healed us, dear friend, so it is our honor and our responsibility to go forward and take His healing to a broken world.You won't even have to try to find them, the broken ones, He will bring them, just as he brought you miraculously to us, He will bring them to you.You are loved by an imperfect "chiwawa" ;)and the great Big wonderful God
I humbly bow before our Awesome God and say THANK YOU FATHER for Your lovingkindness, again and again and again, for my dad and for me, through my faithful friends who love me enough to pray and seek Your hand of mercy, without any regard for their own need of sleep or personal comfort. Over and over, I think, God what are you trying to teach me and or my dad through all of these trials? I know that God is showing forth His glory and His wonder and we get to brag on Him a lot! My dad and I had a long talk yesterday at the hospital. He, through tears, talked about how much God must love him because He has saved his life too many times. He was recounting all the times he should have died and didn't. He knows this was again the hand of a loving God...placed on HIM, personally. My dad needed to know that God is a personal God. God doesn't ever get tired or weary of showing people who He really is, as long as He knows their heart is truly seeking to know Him. My dad is truly seeking. I saw it on his face yesterday. His tears of wonder and gratefulness was evidence. Even though my dad wants to "go meet mama" in heaven, he is torn to leave me. He says he doesn't want to make me sad by dying and that is why he hangs on. I told him that as long as I know that he is in heaven when he passes, then I can be happy the rest of my life. He told me that he knows he will be because God keeps saving him over and over. God works in mysterious ways. He is using you to accomplish a deep work of grace in my dad's life. An eternal work of grace. I am so thankful for all my faithful friends who have carried me through the last few years. I am thankful for you, Carly. I pray that God continues to bless you, with "moments" of obedience, from a heart of agape love, resulting in your own miracles of passage, to the next level of grace and glory in Him.
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